The power of song

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song.

If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,

Threatening the life it belongs to.

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd

Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

And I know that you'll use them, however you want to .

~ "Just Breathe" by Anna Nalick

I am the type of person who finds himself in lyrics of songs, pieces of poetry, and characters in books. Songs seem to be the most powerful one of the bunch, with the addition of music to stir the senses and emotions.

Not surprisingly, the most popular subject of songs is love. Celebration of new love, reflection on lost love, and the sometimes overwhelming emotion that comes with it all. There are songs that describe pain that I appreciated in the past, but reach on a whole different level now that I am going through this.

There is a song called "Last Kiss" that was redone by Pearl Jam a few years ago. It describes a traffic accident while a young couple are headed out for a date. The girl dies and the song is heartbreaking. J would always turn the dial whenever it came on. She couldn't take the sadness of it. I liked the song because it described such a powerful, tragic moment. So real and concrete. Of course if I had gone through something similar, I don't know what the song would mean to me then.

Why do artists share these powerful, emotional moments in their lives? Part of the process is getting it out of your head to help you deal with it. But why take the extra step and make it all public? Why open yourself up like that? There's money at some point, but that isn't why they began to write. There has to be an additional catharsis by sharing with the world.

By listening to stories about what others have been through, I think we find understanding or perspective on our own trials. Stories reach us on a level that instructional material can't. There is also some comfort when you understand you are not alone, your experiences and feelings not so unique. Why else would sad songs and tear-jerker movies continue to do well? There is some sort of appeal that we may not be able to describe, but understand nonetheless.

Though some stories can reach us whenever we come upon them, they are all the more powerful when we are going through something similar. Recently, I have been overwhelmed when certain songs come on the radio. I had to stop listening to one station for a couple of weeks because their song rotation was particularly tough to listen to. I've also avoided certain CDs, sticking with more light-hearted fare, but I am still surprised by songs that I glossed over when times were better. I was near the end of a 15 mile run a few months back, and the song "Walk On" by U2 came on. The song had not meant that much to me in the past, but it hit me like a two-ton heavy thing that day.

There is no question I need to "get it all down on paper, so it's no longer inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to". I've kept journals in the past, and wrote in one sporadically earlier this year. It was helpful as I sorted through my emotions, but I stopped at some point and haven't gone back.

For some reason, writing this blog seems the right thing for me now. I live inside my head far too much as it is, so I have tried to talk things through with friends and family. But it can be difficult for people to know what to say, and I can make it all the more difficult when I can't manage my emotions. This blog is somehow an easier, but a more risky way to bare my soul. A few friends have cautioned me on what I write here. What goes online stays online.

The line of what I will discuss is still written in sand as I find my way through. I will of course hold back certain details, but will describe some concrete moments as I go along. My intention is not to describe these moments to tug at the heartstrings, but to find larger understanding by looking at moments in time.

I'm no artist. The six lines of the song above do a better job of describing things than my nine paragraph post. But hopefully amid all the rambling, you will find something to connect us like a good piece of music can.