Who I am and why I'm here

After seven or so years of marriage, my wife and I have been separated for most of 2009, and are now headed for divorce.

We were married in September of 2001, two days before the world changed. I feel some of that same confusion in trying to understand how my world has changed once again. I have experienced shock, disbelief, numbness, anger, fear, shame, and a whole range of emotions I am only beginning to understand.

I have had the support and counsel of friends, family and professionals, but I am still trying to find my footing. I have found that you achieve a greater understanding of something when you try to explain it to someone else. I have found some meaning in discussions with other people, but my emotions are still raw and I can't always gather my thoughts and express what I am feeling.

In the past I have found meaning in writing. I am hoping to find comfort, guidance, understanding, and ultimately peace once again. I intend to be more open and honest with the people in my life, but I think my journey needs to begin on paper. I will likely be bouncing forward and back in time, at turns describing what I am currently going through, and flashing back in time to try to understand how I got here.

In speaking with friends, I have found that everyone is struggling with issues in their relationships and marriage. We don't always talk about this part of our life, and I hope that in sharing my journey, others will find that they are not alone in their struggle. You might find a spark of understanding in following my progress, and may also provide insight to help me along my path. I will not find illumination on my own, and do not want to distance myself from life any longer.

Thank you for joining me on my journey.